Ben was a fit and healthy man who was working at the local surf club where I was studying to gain my Surf Life Saving Certificate. Ben was teaching the theory side of the course. I grasped the theory easily but the physical side of my exam - a swim in particular - proved to be difficult. I had never swum in a pool properly before then.
Ben was a stickler for the rules. He was meticulous. He also had faith in my abilities. He was encouraging and it was hard to believe, after speaking with him, that I couldn't complete my swim in the allocated time.
Fortunately my determination and Ben's faith in me paid off and finished my swim, gaining my certificate. I then completed many patrols on the beach. Neither Ben nor I fitted the mold of the 'typical' life saver. I was not particularly athletic or competitive and he was not macho! For that reason alone we had a lot in common and we spent hours talking.
At the end of that summer Ben returned to his teaching degree at uni and his job in Sydney but we regularly wrote to each other. He returned the following summer and he was never shy at giving advice. He always reminded me to 'sit up straight' and 'look after yourself' and told me that I was never alone. Those were my teenage years and I hadn't met another person who could pass on such advice without sounding condescending. He had never drank or smoked and he never would.
A few years later Ben regularly checked-in with me as my Higher School Certificate exams approached. He wanted to be certain I gave it everything I could. One morning Ben drove from Sydney to where I lived and stayed a few days while he arranged a study schedule for me consisting of a good breakfast and exercise, a couple of hours of study then lunch a couple more hours of study, a walk, dinner then good rest.
Ben left at 5am one morning to return to Sydney so he wouldn't interrupt my newly adopted schedule.
After my exams were finished he, once again, drove to my house. This time he collected me so that I could go bush walking with him and his new girlfriend. We walked for 2 days through the Grose Valley in the Blue Mountains- camping out one night and swimming in the rock pools before walking up the steep Govett's Leap.
The exercise was about endurance and achievement and Ben thought it reflected perfectly the accomplishment of completing my exams.
My HSC results ended up being quite good and I decided to complete a teaching degree at university as well.
During my uni years and afterwards I kept in touch with Ben but more irregularly than I should have. Our lives were busy and I was living in Canberra. My husband and I attended the wedding of Ben and the girlfriend I'd walked with in the Blue Mountains. They had moved down the south coast and then had a daughter. Ben was teaching at a local high school where he was the year advisor for a whole year of students as well as a mentor for young indigenous students. Ben was a volunteer fire fighter, he continued his work with the Surf Club and was involved in a choir, among other pursuits.
Ben was the sort of person who, if he saw a need for something, especially for those who were disadvantaged, he'd stick his neck out. He wasn't afraid to speak up about injustices even if and when that made him unpopular. I know that in his work as a teacher he did this many times when it would have been easy to go along with the status quo. Being a 'stickler for the rules' doesn't always make you a popular person either but Ben didn't care. For that reason you knew where you stood with him.
Ben remained body conscious, ate well and exercised daily. Late in 2006 Ben taught a group of life savers how to use a defibrillator. As he did he remarked "you never know you may have to use it on me one day."
On New Years Eve 2006 Ben had just completed a patrol for the Surf Club. He signed off and decided he might go for a swim when he saw some swimmers who appeared to be getting into difficulty. He watched them for a moment before he suddenly dropped to the ground.
Ben had a heart condition called Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. His thickened heart muscle meant the heart had to work harder to push blood around and the valves in his heart were also weakened under the strain.
His colleagues did exactly as they were trained and moments later they were using the very defibrillator that Ben had taught them to use, on him.
Sadly, as in many cases of Hypertrophis Cardiomyopathy, the defibrillation was not enough to save Ben. Nothing could have.
Ben was just a few weeks away from his 30th birthday. His daughter was just a few weeks away from her 1st birthday.
My husband and I happened to be down the south coast and we'd intended to meet up with Ben, his wife and their daughter. We were moment from town when we heard what had happened to Ben. We immediately made our way to his home. We grieved with Ben's wife and family.
Because he was such a community minded man there were many who needed to pay their respects.
Today, as in many days throughout the year, but especially on New Years Eve I remember Ben. I remember everything he taught me - from good posture, to health and fitness, to believing in myself and friendship.
I am infinitely grateful for Ben's devotion to me, his kindness and love. I am so lucky to have met such an inspiring person who dedicated so much of himself to others. Wherever you are Ben, know that I will always think of you. I will continue to love your wife and your daughter.
I miss you.
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