I haven't worked out what it is about a baby that compels people to comment on your parenting. I haven't worked out what it is about being pregnant that gives people the go-ahead to tell the most distressing birth story they've heard, as if you weren't petrified enough.
It is a real test of confidence, something you don't necessarily have as a new parent, when a stranger makes a remark about how you are holding your infant or what they're dressed in. Perhaps I looked like I didn't know what I was doing but I'm also short so perhaps people assumed I was 'young and inexperienced' but when our first was born I was like a magnet for people who felt compelled to makestupid comments.
Maybe it's the byproduct of that saying "It takes a village to raise a child." It sounds nice in theory but these aren't the people helping you change nappies in the ungodly hours or taking your kids to the park when you're lying in bed with the flu!
Don't get me wrong - there were many strangers that made lovely compliments about my babies. In retrospect I sometimes thought that maybe people just felt they needed to comment on something!
I remember an elderly woman coming up to my son and I in the street, in winter, with a heavy Russian accent, and saying "he's cold." He was wearing a singlet, a long-sleeved wool top and a wool cardigan. It was a cold day but he was in a lined pram with a blanket.
Another time he was strapped to my chest and avery helpful woman at the counter of our local supermarket peered in the sling and asked "can your baby breathe in there?" Of course not. I'm suffocating him. The next time I went to do my groceries I wanted to avoid a repeat of the situation so I popped him in his pram with the cover down. He was asleep. We got the groceries okay but I thought I'd just duck in to the newsagency next to the supermarket. The shop owner started to open the window at the top of the pram. "He's asleep," I told her, and she nodded then went around the front of the pram and began unzipping the cover so she could see him. I was furious!
In the early days of parenthood we had lots of visitors. Over a two-hour visit a friend of ours, with years of parenting experience (with her own children, in another era) tested my confidence. Our son had just had a sleep and he woke up and was grizzly when she nursed him. He wanted me but the friend insisted he must still be tired and she convinced me to put him back to bed where he screamed for about ten minutes. That ten minutes felt like a lifetime. And when our friend left I told my husband that I was going to go back to trusting my own mothering instincts. We would make the decisions for our son and his sleep and what he ate and when! I knew I didn't know everything but it was up to my husband and I to work out what would work for our family.
A few of my friends have the 'smile and nod' policy. I've tried to hold my tongue but, these days, with much more confidence, I just can't not respond!!
We were lucky in that our families never made comments about our parenting. They let us do our thing despite doing things differently when they were raising kids. Our sister-in-law recommended Tizzie Hall's Save Our Sleep because she'd used it with her firstborn. At four months (with many nights rocking that cot with our out-stretched legs at 3am) we put our son on to a Tizze Hall routine. This meant he self-settled (cried himself to sleep) for a maximum of five minutes for a week (then not at all) and slept and ate according to the routines. It was the best thing we did. We then knew when to expect him awake and asleep and how much sleep and food was normal and healthy.
My parents had a more relaxed routine of eat, sleep, feed (and repeat) with me and that worked for them.
Tizzie's routine was an especially significant when I had our 2yo boy, a brand new baby and my husband went away for work for six months. The day after we arrived home from hospital I was determined to put our Baby #2 on the routine. Within hours she'd settled into the routine. That approach worked for us.
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Now I'm someone with experience in pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. I'd like to think I'm not that person who makes comments where they aren't asked for. I'm very happy to share my ideas, though, if I am asked.
Have you ever been annoyed by a comment of a stranger (or a family member) or had your confidence undermined as a parent (or an aunt or uncle)? What advice would you give to a new parent if they did ask for one piece of advice?
It is a real test of confidence, something you don't necessarily have as a new parent, when a stranger makes a remark about how you are holding your infant or what they're dressed in. Perhaps I looked like I didn't know what I was doing but I'm also short so perhaps people assumed I was 'young and inexperienced' but when our first was born I was like a magnet for people who felt compelled to make
Maybe it's the byproduct of that saying "It takes a village to raise a child." It sounds nice in theory but these aren't the people helping you change nappies in the ungodly hours or taking your kids to the park when you're lying in bed with the flu!
Don't get me wrong - there were many strangers that made lovely compliments about my babies. In retrospect I sometimes thought that maybe people just felt they needed to comment on something!
I remember an elderly woman coming up to my son and I in the street, in winter, with a heavy Russian accent, and saying "he's cold." He was wearing a singlet, a long-sleeved wool top and a wool cardigan. It was a cold day but he was in a lined pram with a blanket.
Another time he was strapped to my chest and a
In the early days of parenthood we had lots of visitors. Over a two-hour visit a friend of ours, with years of parenting experience (with her own children, in another era) tested my confidence. Our son had just had a sleep and he woke up and was grizzly when she nursed him. He wanted me but the friend insisted he must still be tired and she convinced me to put him back to bed where he screamed for about ten minutes. That ten minutes felt like a lifetime. And when our friend left I told my husband that I was going to go back to trusting my own mothering instincts. We would make the decisions for our son and his sleep and what he ate and when! I knew I didn't know everything but it was up to my husband and I to work out what would work for our family.
A few of my friends have the 'smile and nod' policy. I've tried to hold my tongue but, these days, with much more confidence, I just can't not respond!!
We were lucky in that our families never made comments about our parenting. They let us do our thing despite doing things differently when they were raising kids. Our sister-in-law recommended Tizzie Hall's Save Our Sleep because she'd used it with her firstborn. At four months (with many nights rocking that cot with our out-stretched legs at 3am) we put our son on to a Tizze Hall routine. This meant he self-settled (cried himself to sleep) for a maximum of five minutes for a week (then not at all) and slept and ate according to the routines. It was the best thing we did. We then knew when to expect him awake and asleep and how much sleep and food was normal and healthy.
My parents had a more relaxed routine of eat, sleep, feed (and repeat) with me and that worked for them.
Tizzie's routine was an especially significant when I had our 2yo boy, a brand new baby and my husband went away for work for six months. The day after we arrived home from hospital I was determined to put our Baby #2 on the routine. Within hours she'd settled into the routine. That approach worked for us.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now I'm someone with experience in pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. I'd like to think I'm not that person who makes comments where they aren't asked for. I'm very happy to share my ideas, though, if I am asked.
Have you ever been annoyed by a comment of a stranger (or a family member) or had your confidence undermined as a parent (or an aunt or uncle)? What advice would you give to a new parent if they did ask for one piece of advice?
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