starting big school: how we survived the first weeks

Our eldest started 'big school' (aka kindergarten, prep, kindy) a few weeks ago. It dawned on me that for the first five years of his life I had been waiting for this time. As a teacher, and having taught kindergarten, I realised that everything I'd done with him and the things I had wanted to but never got around to was in preparation for starting school. I knew where he needed to be to start school (the skills, knowledge, experiences he needed) and how I was going to get him ready. One thing I haven't taught B, but he'd be capable of learning, is to read. It's been intentional but I think that's a whole other blog post!

What  I was prepared for were: 

* complete and utter exhaustion. Parents have spoken about this to me over the years and the transition from preschool three days a week to school five days, and everything involved in that, is huge. I knew it would be overwhelming.

* a reluctance to go to school. B has always found separation from me difficult. I was anticipating a log period of weeks and months of tears and opposition for school.
* B's engagement in learning. Our boy has always been interested in ideas and concepts and asks a billion questions about the world around him. I have been so excited in anticipation for an enriched learning environment where he will thrive on discussion, interaction with others and the simple joy of the acquisition of knowledge. 

I was right. B has been exhausted, at times beyond reason. In the first week the children ate dinner at 4:30pm because I just wasn't sure he'd make it through to 5:30pm without collapsing. 

The first three full days of school were not easy. On the first day Daddy came to drop-off and, after we coaxed B out from under his bed, we walked to school. There were tears. There was gripping on to Dad's shirt. I knew that within a few minutes he'd settle but I couldn't blame him for feeling scared and overwhelmed. After all, he didn't know the teacher (and I didn't for that matter), he'd not spent much time at school (and had always had me there when he had) and there were A LOT of other children, some of them crying too. The second week of school was a completely different story. There was slight reluctance followed by interest in the other kids' Lego and school bag tags. B also recognised a few familiar faces. 

I can see that B is just absorbing information at a rate of knots. On the first day of his second week he burst out of the classroom with wide eyes. "We learned science with Mrs Elliot!" to which he described footage of a spider's web full of flies.

What I wasn't prepared for:

There were things I couldn't be prepared for, too. I knew that, whilst I knew what to expect in those first weeks as a teacher, I certainly didn't know everything about starting school from a mother's perspective and every child has a different journey, so there were things that took me by surprise.  

* B's increased appetite has been incredible. B is petite but like any growing and learning child he needs fuel. A full lunchbox has come home empty every single day but B needs a huge afternoon tea - a few slices of toast or a couple of pieces of fruit and then an adult (biscuit tray) sized homemade pizza for dinner. They say that teenage boys eat you out of house and home! 

* My tears. I have sent away plenty of teary-eyed mums, saying "they'll be fine once you've gone. Go and get yourself a coffee." Off they went and sobbed in the car. I was determined to take my own advice, "a quick goodbye is the best goodbye," because I knew that once I was out of the picture, B would settle. what I wasn't prepared for was hearing his high pitched "Muuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmeeeeee" over the top of 120 other children (and their parents) when I arrived at my car, a block away. I am not exaggerating. The tears were well and truly flowing by then and I had to fight every instinct not to run back, lift him in my arms and promise him I'd never leave him at school with all these strangers again.

* With all the anticipation of starting school I hadn't predicted my own fatigue. Friends warned me that drop-offs and pick-ups would take its toll (and it is early days) but the emotional roller coaster of B's first few days was what left my husband and I both exhausted. It was difficult to see B so distressed.

* A friend, who has never allowed games about guns or guns in her children's play has suddenly noticed her son wants to play guns and talks about playing guns at school. B, on the other hand, has brought home some undesirable language. He'd never uttered "I hate (anything)" before but now it's "I hate dinner. I hate doing jobs" and then the doozy "I hate you." Awesome. I was thinking maybe te year olds say this sort of thing to their mum, not five year olds a few weeks in to school. My response is always "It doesn't bother me, B, but I love you."

Tips for starting school  

There have been a few things that have helped us with the transition in to big school and tips I'd give parents with children starting school.

* Early nights. Good sleep is one gift you can give your kids because they will be shattered -  especially in the first two terms of kindergarten and towards the end of each term. If you can plan to eat earlier than you would normally and get in to bed earlier too. I've always found with our kids that they have a tipping point. If we get them at the right time they'll fall straight to sleep. If they become wired and we miss that moment it takes a lot longer.

* Chldren respond very well to consistency and routine. We have a responsibility chart. Mornings can be hectic and you'll need all the help you can get. We don't watch tv before (or after) school but the children can play once they've done their jobs. I have kept them simple, achievable and not much different from what they were already expected to do of a morning but I have them displayed in the kitchen so they can mentally check them off as they do them before we leave for school. 

* Similarly I like to have an afternoon chart too. A chart reinforces your expectations, responsibility, working as a team, structure and consistency. I barely have to refer to the chart now - both B and his 3yo sister do their jobs without me asking them.  

* We have breakfast at 7am so I have a banana on hand to eat on the way to school or just before we leave for school because by 9am my little person is already starting to feel hungry. I always try to feed B a filling breakfast - eggs on toast or porridge.

* I like to keep lunch times interesting so I made up this big poster which I have displayed in my kitchen for the moments when I need inspiration. I prepare non-perishables the night before and have a stash of homemade muffins and raw balls in the freezer. I sometimes give B a choice between two things but I always talk him through what I've made him in the mornings.

* I realised within a day that when I asked B "How was your day?" he'd just reply "good." He was, after all, replying my question. A few weeks ago I read this fabulous article about asking specific questions and connecting with your partner at the end of the day. This can be converted to your child to gain more information about their day. I now ask questions like "who did you sit with to eat lunch?" "Did you do any extra classes today?" "Who did you play with today?" "How many books did your teacher read and what were they about?" I am finding out far more about B's day, and perhaps he feels that I'm more interested in his day too.

* Having a weekly timetable. I have made a timetable including specialist classes like science, Japanese, music, news, sport, singing and library. I have a copy of the timetable on the fridge and the front door so, when we can discuss what B can expect for the day.I plan to make a weekly timetable with these classes that B can read too.

* I have kindergarten students who didn't arrive home until 7pm when they'd finish school then tutoring and then language or violin classes. These kids were exhausted and where possible I haven't arranged for any extra curricular activities after school. We have swimming lessons on the weekend and each day B arrives home, finishes his few jobs and then plays. I've noticed he'd prefer to play alone, rather than his poor sister who has desperately missed him all day. I suspect that B needs quiet time in contrast to the over stimulation of his school day.

* J's cousin gave us some great advice last year. Her children change in to their play clothes when they arrive home. This saves having to wash the school uniform each day. We've taken this advice a step further. B eats breakfast in a play shirt then changes in to his school shirt just as we are leaving for school.
play clothes

* B has always settled in better when he is given time to relax in to a situation. We have been arriving at school about 20 minutes before the school bell so he can play or we can visit the school library. Sometimes this isn't always possible but it works for us. When the bell rings B knows I will give him two kisses and two cuddles then he needs to line up to go in to class. I've told him that I can stay to wave goodbye when he's brave (ie. not running to me and crying) so now we wave, blow kisses and he signs "I love you" until he goes to his classroom. 

As a mother all I want is for my kids to be happy, healthy and to feel safe. I am so relieved that, rather than weeks and months, B is settled in to school. I know there will be hiccups along the way but we'll deal with those when they arise. For now I'm pleased that B is happy to go to school, he's learning and I can now have some time with our 3yo and get some rest before baby #3 arrives in June.  

Do you remember your first day of school? Do you have tips for starting school? 

Miss May Blossom http://www.facebook.com/MissMayBlossom